I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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