i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
