Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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