If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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