This girl is more easily done than said...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
