To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
