The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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