The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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