my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
