you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
