Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
