so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
