You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
