Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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