I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
where are my eyebrows?
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