I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
