i wish my penis had a tongue
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
