We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
