so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
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Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
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your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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