she woke up with a sticky ear
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
