Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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