I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
