I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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