(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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