What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
