The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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