It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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