I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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