Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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