Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
