Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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