kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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