we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
