i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
