If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
