shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize