He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
