I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
