I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
my god I love twenty year old dicks
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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