sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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