At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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