I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The power of my boobs compel you
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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