and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
