Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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