I wannas sexs uuuuu
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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