Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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