brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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