Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
