never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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