i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
