this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
