I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
