Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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