I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
