When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
