god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
