I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
