Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
