It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
