She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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