How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
