I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
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six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
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Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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