is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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