his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
