i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
