Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i came on her dog
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
