then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
