In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
