I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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