Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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