That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
