if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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